Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
