I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Lo siento on account of my penis...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
