glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
