"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
