...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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