Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
