Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
COCAINE IS GR8
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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