i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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