after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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