i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
