I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I need a burrito and a hug.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
