How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I will be naked everywhere
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
