I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Need sex. Gaining weight.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
