8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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