i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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