Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
