i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
