if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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