I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Randomize
