I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
