if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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