my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
