Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
