NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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