I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
