I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
