Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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