If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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