Tell her she can't have a vagina
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
