I can text with my tongue
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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