Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
True strength comes from lack of pants
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
