Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
