it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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