tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
