I am spending my child support on dildos
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
