ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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