I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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