i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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