im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
