You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No subtext here. People are naked.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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