All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
