He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
FUCK WHALES
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
