when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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