I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
