Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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