so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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