do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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