pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
