im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
