I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
