I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
