now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
