Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize