I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
