You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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