a queef is a wish your heart makes.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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