Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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