mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Come see our sink grown plant.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
