she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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