Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
