he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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