I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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