Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
