the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Dicks are not precious.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
