Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
