as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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