just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
