glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
