the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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