Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize