if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
