I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
