I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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