um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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