And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
