we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
