How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
