No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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