Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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