two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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