if i can run in heels then i can drive
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
i think i just lost a toe
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
