she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I understand Curling. That high.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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