Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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