Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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